Hello, my name is Tony. I believe I'm a super soldier (can I say formerly?). I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2011 at college because I had substance induced psychosis. I had severe dissociation the whole time every day since then. I felt like I was detached from the outside world and that nothing was real. Recently, the medication started helping me and it works. My dissociation is gone, but now I have some depression, anxiety, and fear. I have "delusions" about this kind of stuff like Milabs, aliens, simulation theory, time travel, super soldier, illuminati, etc. but family and medical community don't believe me at all. I have watched and listened to a lot of stories covering this topic including super soldiers and it resonates with me. I have past life memories and I've been through a lot. I don't know if I'm psychic or not but I feel like it- maybe not in the typical way.
I feel like I have time traveled, been an alien abductee and other stuff in my past lives. In this life, I've seen several UFOs fly over my house. I think in this life something traumatic happened to me in college at my dorm room, although I cannot be exactly sure what happened. Maybe MK-Ultra or Milab?
Here's where my story gets out there and weird: I had my mind uploaded, digitized to a computer by grey aliens in a distant past life; I think I'm semi or quasi immortal, and that we live in a computer simulation/program and it was on the news and we found out in a past life. I remember being outside the simulation/matrix and helping to run it.
Can anyone relate?
I come up with a lot of theories on what happened to me -- too many to be believed by regular folks. I have memories of being in Monarch and Montauk mainly. I have memories of being told I was a super soldier in a past life. These memories are not pleasant. I feel like I have had my mind wiped. I feel like I could be getting visitations but I don't know if they're from another time or what.
Here's my main issue: I am mad and sad that I'm stuck in a time loop or causal loop since 2013 and that it keeps happening for a near eternity. I keep coming back alive and reliving the exact same life over and over again. I have escaped before. I don't know if the universe is just bouncing back or if I'm 'reincarnating' or just having my mind/soul/consciousness transferred into a new or cloned body on the same time line from the future to the past. I know, it sounds weird, but I believe it.
I feel like this is just a brief overview about what I'm currently thinking. I was just a regular college student in 2011, but this isn't my first life and it's not 'base' reality. When I got some visits from rectangular UFOs in 2016, I felt like they got into my head. They told me psychiclly or electronically that my mom and I have microchips in our heads...that something happened to me in college, and that I was in some type of program. I have a lot of trauma.
I believe I have thousands or more memories and that the simulation is on an infinite loop, but that it's possible to escape to other timelines and even the simulation. I feel like I've lived billions of past lives, although it could just be in the mid thousands...
Medical community refuses to listen, and family (understandibly) cannot believe and accept what I tell them. They are normal Christian folks and I love them. I had a normal childhood but like I said this isn't my first life and I have some weird theories out there like I've been to other parallel earths -- in the thousands. I have seen things like portals, wormholes, and blackholes in my other lives and I still remember them. I get recall, flashbacks, or images in my head when I'm awake and when I dream. I also remember thousands of conversations from previous existences. Sometimes, I feel like I was an extraterrestrial in a past life.
Despite all of this, I have not received a diagnosis of PTSD. Just Aspergers and schizo-affective disorder. I am low functioning, addicted to caffeine, constantly tense, and have mild paranoia. I'm a good person.
I have memories of going to space, seeing the backside of the moon, mars, and even being taken to Dulce and other places in my past lives. I feel like I can remember previous loops or iterations in my time loop or whatever I'm living in or stuck in.
I have a feeling people don't like me and I am afraid sometimes of people. I died before many times but come back alive. Technically, I remember in a past life, my mind comes back to the year 2013. So I don't know if I ever really experienced college or had my consciousness overwritten or just split into two parts or just wiped. I find it strange that I supposedly lived a life since birth but cannot remember being alive before 2010-2013 (estimate).
I really have no hope. I don't like making YouTube videos anymore, I cannot write a book because my memories are fragmented, I cannot work and rely on assistance, and I like to stay home all day. Someday, I would love to write a book as a way to heal, make extra income, and just get my story out. I'm not really interested in interviews because of paranoia and stuff even though I would love to. I usually delete my videos.
I feel like I have bad karma and negative experiences with greys, reptilians, and even the Tall Whites.
I really don't know why I was targeted, but I believe I had bad karma in a past life that followed me to the next life(s), and I believe in soul contracts, unfortunately. I try to be a Christian for several reasons.
My life feels like hell or purgatory sometimes. It feels like schizophrenia is impossible to cure but I'm not sure. Sometimes, I feel like it was artificially induced.
I sometimes feel like I should get money, but know that will never happen. I feel like we should all get some sort of compensation! People sue for stupid things and yet we suffer for nothing.
Like I said, I was normal and just a regular college student before 2011. I feel like I got in trouble or something and it was covered up. I feel like I posted something that pissed people off on Facebook like 'we lived in a simulation' or something like that. Maybe it was just aliens? I don't remember what I posted.
I was in the Illuminati in a past life, and I feel like I left or got kicked out or something. Maybe that's why I'm suffering so much? I'm a good person and I hope I will be accepted here and belong here and I hope people don't hate me because of it. I'm not in it anymore and I don't like them. I had a lot of traumatic stuff happen to me and my family in a past life. I think they hate me and I never been rich or anything, especially in this life. I had a little power in a distant past life, but it wasn't worth it at all. For the past thousand or so lifetimes, I seem to have been targeted much less, but the traumatic memories are still there. I worry but nobody seems to believe me, care, or think it's based in reality, or that I'm in touch with reality. I hate the Illuminati. I hope people understand what I'm saying. I don't want nothing to do with them.
Maybe I'll share more as time goes on and if this is the right forum for me.
I never had hypnosis or regression. I keep to myself. Maybe someone could guide me or help me find out what really happened to me or my past. It could help me...I hope.
My biggest dream in life is the be cured of schizophrenia. My second biggest dream is to go back to my childhood or live a completely different life.
Thank you and have a nice day!