Its not,that I wouldent like to tell you as much as I can about myself,but the thing is that Im very rarely,in such a state that allows me to even write!
Im a total wreck!I know I look healthy and normal from the outside,but the ugly truth is ,that Im a "prisoner" of so called doctors that ruined my life by giving me some pills that they give to people that are drug addicts.I dident know what kind of pills that really were,so after 2 weeks someone told me what they really are for.Imagine my surprise!On top of that,he gave me bunch of pills for depression and who knows what else...Now when I know it all that,for last 4 years,I tried not to take just on of 5 different pills,once(!) and I almost died from cardiac arrest.My parents ,luckily came to visit me and they found me barely alive.It was in such a bad state that I would be gone in a max 1/2hour.I was gasping for air like fish on the ground.
So what am I suppose to do now?To sue that dr.Mengele?!He cant bring my health back again!Mothef f....r!
Do you know why he did that to me?!
So he can get another 15% more money(!?) by giving as much pills to as much people! I was so freakin mad,that I wanted to ki.l him and maybe myself after that.But Im not that kind of man.Im sure Higher forces have something "special",waiting just for him!So I try forget all that bad stuff that happening to me.But its not going so well.Maybe after some time...I really dont know.
Freakin grays and mantis beings abducted me and tortured me so many times that I dont know the number anymore.Drunk father beat me so severe from the age of 2 till I was cca. 20ish .I had to be strong enough (and by doing martial arts),so I could at least defend my sister and mother from that monster.Did I mention that I survived real,the worst fuc.n war after WWII (91-95)?!No?!Well I did.I dont know how or why,but that sniper bullet was meant for me and I still have that hole in my roller blinds today(bullet would go through my head,it hit my pillow).I will only say that after Vukovar,my city,Karlovac got the worst bombing after WWII.My house is 30 yards from main military barracks,so daily,there were 1000+ shells landing on top or few yards next to my building.That was my childhood.Oh,I almost forgo,my "brave" father that likes to beat children and women,disappear for 5 years!How convenient for him!Isent it?
I found strenght in me and I forgave him(!) many years ago.Now,he is getting olde and my sister doesnt want anything to do with him.I understand her.
He and my mother,are now living with me,again(!),(she has to go to a leg surgery), for 1 more year and then they will return to their house. Its not easy,not at all,but the worst thing is,that hes pretending that nothing happened(!?) and my own mother is sayin the same!!Why?!How?! I dont care for them and their lies no more.I am just trying to stay alive,you know...
I can only dream about love,wife,marriage,family...
I will survive that too,alone.There must be a good enough reason that I wasnt killed in war.That I dident kill myself when my girl killed our perfect child.That I dident kill myself and that evil bastard dr."Mengele" that put me,perfectly healthy(!),on pills,that totally destroyed that little life that I had in front of me...
Im not complaining,maybe this sounds like I am,but no! Thats my life! My everyday life,that I have to live in pain and agony till I die from old age!Who wants to live life like that?!For 50 or so more years?!I dont know what shell it be.Im asking for help in every corner of the world and nobody wants to help.What a fucked up world is this?Only one dude from Green Berets understood me perfectly and I get him too,but Im not American,so I must keep my head high and endure this constant pain that is eating me alive.
I know that,at least you know,what that really means...Lets be stronger than pain,but pain is so brutal...
Nice to know that someone feels the same pain,it hurts less,even for a sec.!